He chose me. He chose to give me the chance to come to this world and have my share of experiences and failures and lessons and dispatch from it all. He made me a certain way. Designed me the way I was meant to be. The way I could fulfill my purpose that I am unknown to. But life put me through things I was never designed for and I designed myself the way I was never meant to be.
I was never designed for self-loathe
never designed for bullying
For being selfish
I was never designed to hate because I don’t love me
For tearing down at the smallest
For feeling weak.
I was never designed for laughing at someone
Or making them feel insecure
For leaving people alone
And for never owning up to it
For pretending I don’t feel anything, I was never designed
For pretending that I feel everything, I was never designed
For hiding in my closet to ignore what’s outside, I was never designed
Never designed to be so caught up in me that I forget to see their efforts to love me.
Long time, no see? Ahh, I know…I almost forgot to log into my account but nevermind here is a post that I have been working on for like a week and still haven’t posted it cuz I’m lazyyyyyyyyyy
So yea, I have been working a little on myself and I don’t know if I am doing enough but yeah these days when I go to bed I feel content so I guess I’m on the right track.
Well, here are 18 tips that I follow for self-confidence. I want to mention that I am not stereotypically beautiful or reach any beauty standard. These are just ways I’ve figured out to beautify my inner self.
1) Walk with your head high (I cannot stress this enough). It literally changes the game for you when you have your chin up.
2) Babe, that smile of yours…wear it ALL THE DAMN TIME… It’s better than any highlighter.
3) Walk with your back straight and try improving your posture.
4) Wear clothes that you are comfortable in. It could be anything!
5) you don’t have to look hot in order to feel hot! Being hot is a feeling!!! It’s a vibe !!!
6) Try dancing! Try moving in front of the mirror to see how you move. It’ll take time. You’ll look stupid believe me. But you’ll get better with time.
7) Encourage yourself when you want to give up on something you recently started and want to stop because you’re being impatient and it isn’t showing any results. The thought that personally helps me is ” What if I walked all this way only to turn back and go to the starting point to realize that my end goal was nearer than it seemed before I turned my back on it”. Regret pinches more than failure.
8) Take up space while you’re sitting or standing or doing anything. It depicts your territory and dare not anyone trespass it.
9) Take care of your skin. It could be just putting on moisturizer but it’s a part of taking care of yourself that’s called self-love.
10) Take care of your hair it’s so important it can make or break a look even if you are in sweatpants or sweatshirts it can still make you feel pretty when your hair is clean and brushed. [FOR GIRLS] Do braids if you’re running out of time and if you have curly hair. To all besties with kinky hair try keeping it short and nourished. It really helps!!
11) take care of your hairline, DO NOT DO high ponytails all the time.” yuh yuh” I know, it looks pretty on celebrities (Ariana ✋🏻) but they have access to all kinds of beauty products that some or maybe a lot of people don’t. It’s difficult growing back the lost hairline.
12) Delete social media to de-stress. The people you compare yourself to don’t even look like themselves in person. If you are insecure because you actually see a pretty person in real life, compliment them then come back and say to yourself “Someone else’s beauty doesn’t diminish mine”. It works!!!! If it doesn’t work then maybe leave? You’ll get better at appreciating the beauty in others without putting yourself down. GIVE IT TIME.
13) You don’t have to be pretty to actually BE pretty. Smile often, and get help if you’re struggling mentally ( if you can’t afford it try talking to your friends or family, don’t have that either?. Write down your thoughts and analyse them. Try to be self-aware. Try to analyse your problems from a different POV and then give yourself a solution. Not helping? Try talking to the universe/ God. I know it sounds stupid. But they listen. There’s a higher being and it listens. Have faith 🙂
14) Give yourself a pat during tough times. Your body is going through so much to keep you alive it needs reassurance that you’re doing your part too! Please look at yourself and thank, yes THANK your body for being this amazing! It’s trying to help you please feed it positivity and nurture it with healthy food.
15) While exercising try to think about GROWING STRONG rather than the outward aesthetic. Think about all the amazing things you can do with your body when it’s strong! Ice skating? Ballroom dancing? Gymnastics? Everything? Hell yes!!!!! Yes, sure a perfect body would be nice but it would be so much better to have stronger legs and a stronger back!!! Think about it this way!!!
16) Do not do or buy things just because they’re trending. Trends go in and out of style. But we never go out of style! *You see what I did there fellow swifties U_U*. Create your own identity with utmost care and love.
17) Make yourself intelligent. No, I won’t ask you to search up the cosmos but Read!! Work!! Get a hobby!! Do everything and anything you can! You never know which skill set will help you move further in life.
18) And yes, the most important one. BE KIND. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. TO PEOPLE. TO ANIMALS. TO NATURE. HELP YOURSELF. HELP ANIMALS. HELP PEOPLE. IT’S IMPORTANT. The kindness you spread reflects on your face and makes your soul shine through. Everything will work only if you believe that you deserve it. If you believe you deserve it then you will have to put a little effort into it. When you put the effort into yourself you’ll get the best results.
So these were some tips that have personally benefitted me through my journey of working on self-confidence. Yes, I do fail to meet all of these parameters at times, but yes, I’m trying so I guess… I’ll be there soon!
Soooo yeaaaa I TURNED 15!!! (Ik it’s too late…It’s April now and I turned 15 on the 13th of March but let’s ignore that fact and continue)
Overall, my birthday was nice…I jammed to Taylor’s FIFTEEN all day on and not a very happening birthday but yea, it was nice.
Now, coming to the topic!!
After my ‘From The Diary Of A Pensive Poet’ series, I came up with this super amazing idea. I am a huggggeeeeee music fan and Lofi mixes are a great tonic for me…I have had a splendid experience with Lofi (Slowed+Reverb) Mixes and here are some of my hindi favourites for you just in case, you too, are a Lofi fan like me!!
I would have just shared a playlist with you but unfortunately, not all of these Lofi Flips are available on Spotify so, here it is in the form of timestamps…Do share your preferences with me and let me know for a Part-2!!
I’m gonna bore you with these until I get this fever off *which is prolly not very soon 🤪*.
I’m gonna continue the series however, I am also planning to include other blogs whilst this goes on.
So yea, this one is very much inspired by a story that I read up online about a victim of substance abuse and how she felt while trying to get rid of it. I, myself have been a part of the process where you are just trying to let go of something but there’s a feeling that lingers on you and it’s hard to do away with it but you still try and eventually, muster up the courage and fight that feeling that doesn’t let you move on.
I describe this feeling as ‘THE CREEPER‘.
The creeper that climbs over you but at the end, like every other bad thing, dies.
It’s been three months
And it's still here
I don’t see it though
But it's in my head
There are some feelings
That come to leave
But this one will stay
Now, I believe
The feeling, that creeps over you
When you aren’t looking
It climbs up your arms
And tightly grips your palms
It lingers through your chest
Up through your skull and crest
By the time, you look to find what’s there
You see, like creepers it’s on you everywhere
The feeling of guilt
The fear of losing you
Crying, rolled up in my quilt
Thinking who I’ve turned into
The feeling never dies
Even when you’ve moved away
Cuz you can always move apart
But for how long shall you escape?
You know it’ll come back for you
It’ll haunt you in your dreams
The feeling is there
At midnight, to make you scream
I’d still come back and fight
But I don’t know
If I even want to, now
And even if I try to
It wouldn’t help anyhow
The creeper would still linger
With a tighter grip, this time around
To reflect on the deepest feeling
Buried within you, that you never want to dig out
It digs it out,
Just to salt your wounds
Just to make you cry
Just to make you lose
Oh, It's such a shame!
That I’m still here
After going through hell
The creeper wrapped around my heart, it’s near
It has enveloped it so well
It once, felt like caressing to me
But now, it seems like choking
This is what the creeper does
It haunts you for your past
It keeps taunting and poking
It won't let you grow
It won't let you try
It would just suck your soul
The next time you cry
The creeper is a feeling
It's hard to explain how it
It's like a permanent scar on you
Each time you try to heal,
it ends in hurt and pain
You want it to go away
You try every single day
As soon as you get out of bed
With the first sigh of breath, you say
"Had I known, this pain would be so bad
I would have never started it!"
But within, you know if the pain was undone
You wouldn't have got this fire lit
The fire within you
That can burn the creeper down
That pushes you to wake up
Each breathless morning
That tells you, "There's still a way around"
If the creeper is permanent
Then, so is your fire!
It's a battle of equals
End your toxic relation with liars
I know, it seems impossible
But it's always impossible until it's done
And if you would never break
Then you will never learn
If you have the creeper binding you
It's okay, if it's there
But remember it isn't permanent
It's not gonna stay
Ignite the fire in you
To burn the creeper down in flames
Let its branches twist and turn
So that, it never twists your bruise and pain
Let the creeper get tormented
The way it tortured you to burn, before
Let it know that you are strong
And you’re going to break its bones
It’s always a challenge to fight
Something in you, that’s bigger than you
But the bigger it is, the better it gets
For, the bars will rise and you’ll breakthrough
That’s when you’ll see
That your heart is free
From the darkness
Of the night
And that’s when you’ll find
That the creeper’s long gone
And you, are in the brightest shone
Sooo yeaaaaa…The idea popped up in my head last night and the feeling just poured out. Do lemme know what else do you think I should write about. I’ll see if I can put my skills to the test!
I was lying alone on my couch on the 26th of December ‘thinking’ about how another year had just flown away and I was STILL lying on my couch and ThInkInG~
Let me give you the context. So, every year on the 31st of December I read my annual diary just to check how far I’ve come, as a person. It’s pretty fun and it has become sort of, a ritual for me now.
I obviously couldn’t follow this practice this year cuz I was sick but even if I weren’t sick, I didn’t want to read my pages dated 2021. I know how depressing they are since I had been visiting them over and over again throughout the year.
I just didn’t want to travel back to all those bad memories and make my New Year’s Day another day where I cry and curse myself for having the worst life ever and then falsely convince myself that everything will be okay.
Getting back, on the 26th of December, I was thinking about how I’ll have to AGAIN read my diary in 5 days and try hard to not cringe over my dumbness or cry over my innocence.
Another year of daydreams, unrealistic hopes, failure, a few achievements that hold absolutely NO importance now and yea, LOTS of regrets.
2021 was definitely not my year but it taught me a bunch of things that I surely will learn from and try to apply in 2022 and forth.
I came up with this list of learnings on the 26th of December, 2021 *as dated in my journal*. There were around 30-35 such “points of wisdom” but I think some of them got too personal so I am sharing 15 of them with y’all. I don’t really mind sharing them but they all have a backstory and I am sure you guys don’t have time to read 35 backstories.😂
Anyways, here are some of those Musings…
Sometimes you have to accept that some things will never go back to how they used to be.
Sometimes all you need is for someone just to be there even if they can’t solve your problems.Just knowing there is someone who cares can make all the difference.
“Doing your best” does not mean working yourself to the point of a mental breakdown.
Trust yourself.You’ve survived a lot and you’ll survive what’s coming.
Be an encourager.The world has plenty of critics already.
It’s Okay if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again.It’s okay to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control.You are not weak.Healing is messy.There is no timeline for healing.
Sensitive people should be treasured.They love deeply and think deeply about life.They are loyal, honest and true.The simple things sometimes mean the most to them.They don’t need to change or harden.Their purity makes them who they are.
WE ALL HAVE A PAST. We’ve all made choices that maybe weren’t the best ones.None of us are completely innocent, but we get a fresh start everyday to be a better person than we were yesterday.
You are strong for getting out of bed in the morning when it feels like hell.You are brave for doing things even though they scare you or make you anxious.And you are amazing for trying and holding on no matter how hard life gets.
Love the people who stick with you even in your worst phases.These are the people who want to see you soar high.
Learn the art of saying “NO“. Don’t lie.Don’t make excuses.Don’t over explain yourself.Just simply decline.
Being social helps but if you want to be caged in your room on some occassions don’t feel like you’re changing, it’s just you maturing.
It’s ok to convince someone you love even if you are not the reason behind them being upset BUT if convincing them tests your dignity and respect.JUST LEAVE.
Don’t ever love or trust someone more than yourself otherwise you’ll always see yourself crying for others.
Most importantly, give love, but keep some for yourself.Respect all, but yourself first.
These are the main learnings that I thought are worth sharing.I hope you too could relate with some. They say, 2020 took a toll on everyone’s mental health. I think 2020 was an AMAZING year. *Please don’t kill me after this*
I still haven’t figured out what went so wrong with 2021 that I am forced to tag it as the worst year ever. *STAWP RANTING*
Well, the year is just a number. We get a chance every day. So, I wish you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Welcome to 2022. Another year of learnings, lessons, rants, self-discovery and so much more! Let all the experiences of your past year be your best guide in the New Year.
Hey, y’all Discoverers!! Merry Christmas!! Sending you warm wishes in this cold weather of Christmas! 🎅❄
So, I like trying out new things and wanted to do something that soothes me from within. Poems have been my latest obsession…I have been reading some fancy poems and I figured out that I too should write a not-so-fancy yet relatable poem.
I had been pretty confused about my mental health lately. I felt confused and guilty and it was all clogging my mind and so I let it out through this poem…
*I am a beginner so input and feedback would be highly appreciated!!*
This is how it goes…
I don't know why,I have
Cause a box of lies
Is all I am
Thoughts surround me
In my mind which once glittered
But now is a mess
I don't have a cause
A reason or aim
Overthinking and my flaws
Just tint me with shame
I feel pathetic
In my own skin
Everytime I lose
Is when they win
Too many questions
Hows and whys
And now all I am
Is a box of lies
I lie to them
I lie to Him
I lie to myself too
A liar is all that within me, grew
I masked myself all this time
Now all I do is repent
But in my story I was the charmer
And I was the serpent
I was misled
I still am
Don't know what I am
Still don't know why, I have
And a box of lies
Is all I am
Hope you all liked this one! Thanks a bunch to Aanya for her feedback, suggestions and motivating words. ♥ Comment below and lemme know what you feel about this one…Let’s chat in the comments!!
I’ll be honest…I’ve been a big mood for the past few days and when you are having a bad day and all the negativity has surrounded you…when you are highly irritated and frustrated cuz of the same ol’ schedule and never ending problems…the most courageous decision that you make is to be in a good mood. Make a happy face and pretend to love everything.That’s what we do EVERY SINGLE DAY.
The self-discovery and love that you gain through solitude is infinite. Having your ME time is the best way to love yourself and make yourself feel happy about yourself.
I do this all the time and I can relate with it because now that I give myself those much needed breaks, love and care through my ‘Me time’, I have realized that I am greater and better than what I used to think of myself. 😊
Sometimes in life when we are just too tired of walking a certain way we decide to just sit back and let life take us the way it wants to. We just let go of ourselves because we NEED a break so we just tend to pause, take a break and go with the flow. But if we take breaks, we sometimes regret them later. We feel that we could have made use of that break in a more productive way however, the reality is that if you were able to complete even 5% of your tasks it was because you took that break you regret now. We are not machines. We cannot work all day and night and stop taking breaks like even basic food or sleep breaks.
Breaks can be short term breaks for example, if I am preparing for a test, I study in slots so that I give myself a good break and my health is not affected. The others are long term breaks like I took a break from dance this year.Due to Covid-19, I could not take my Bharatnatyam (Indian Classical Dance) classes but still I don’t regret this break ’cause instead I started giving time to other things like,Blogging!
Breaks can be a great way to make a long-term decision if you are a terribly indecisive person like me 😅.If you give yourself a break you might be able to think about the same thing with a different perspective and make a BETTER decision.
Even during a normal day you must make it a point to take multiple breaks. Here’s Why:
Breaks increase your work productivity: When you take a short breaks, even a 10-15 minute break, your mind takes a break, nerves ease out and it is fresh and ready to imbibe once again!
Even this pandemic was a break.Everything from our work to our old regimes everything took a break. However, this one is a very unwanted break but this would end soon. I am trying to be too optimistic but I have no other option :).
So enjoy life. Take breaks and don’t think you are a SUPER EXTRAORDINARY person who can work without taking a break…You NEED breaks. Don’t underestimate them…
Well that’s all for this one. Let’s chat in the comments!!
So…this blog is what most of my days are spent thinking about…that “I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH…”
This does not sound NEW. Right? I am sure I AM NOT ALONE(or am I?) Sometimes…or let’s say…Most of the times I just sit in a corner and keep cursing myself for who I am…Thinking how PATHETIC my life is and so much of it is just USELESS because I am not GOOD ENOUGH…I am not as good as I was before…Or maybe, I was never good at all…
Almost everyday, at least once I meticulously look for evidence that I am a nobody, that I don’t deserve to be loved, or that I’m not living up to my full potential. That’s how terrible I am to myself.
This has been going on for years now…But now it needs to CHANGE…We need to know how unique and beautiful we are!
We were CHOSEN to be who we are…There was definitely something in you and me that we were chosen to be who we are! So why not love ourselves for how good in fact, how GREAT we are!
So here are a few tips, in case self-hatred hits you as often as it hits me 🙂
Stop being a critic. Stop being mean to yourself. Stop ranting about things that you cannot do. Start loving yourself for what you CAN!
2.It’s all in your head! Your mind can be a very convincing liar. You think you are not good enough but if you think you are, then yes, you are. The discussion ends. Your mind believes it. Simple!
3.When you think that you don’t deserve things is when you deserve them the MOST. The moment you realise that you don’t deserve any of this…Give yourself a hug and you won’t feel that way again. Believe me. It works. It feels awkward at first, but when you do… And it works…then it isn’t awkward anymore 🙂
4.The people you compare yourself with…Compare themselves themselves with others too. Everyone experiences this.Unless you are GOD.Probably God has experienced it too.It’s Normal…To hate yourself sometimes.But hating yourself doesn’t mean to keep on hating yourself even more and hide yourself in a guilt cocoon and keep on blaming yourself for how bad your life is(it ain’t that bad). You need to come out of this guilt cocoon and THINK. Just like you compare yourself with someone maybe that person compares themselves with someone else too! You are not the only one that thinks that their life is the WORST.
And believe me, all this COMPARISON would vanish one day and you would laugh when you’d think how big of a fool you were to compare yourself with someone or hating yourself for being someone who you were destined to be…Anyway you can’t change it.I am who I am. You are who you are.Let’s love ourselves for who we are!
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS:- When did you feel that you are good enough(recently)?