Not designed for this…

He chose me.
He chose to give me the chance to come to this world and have my share of experiences and failures and lessons and dispatch from it all. He made me a certain way. Designed me the way I was meant to be. The way I could fulfill my purpose that I am unknown to. But life put me through things I was never designed for and I designed myself the way I was never meant to be.

I was never designed for self-loathe

never designed for bullying

For being selfish

Or narcissistic

I was never designed to hate because I don’t love me

For tearing down at the smallest

For feeling weak.

I was never designed for laughing at someone

Or making them feel insecure

For leaving people alone

And for never owning up to it

For pretending I don’t feel anything, I was never designed

For pretending that I feel everything, I was never designed

For hiding in my closet to ignore what’s outside, I was never designed

Never designed to be so caught up in me that I forget to see their efforts to love me.

I was never designed.

Wasn’t designed to undermine my worth

Wasn’t designed to be perfect

I wasn’t designed for any of this

And yet, this is who I am.