Sunshine after rain or the calm before a storm? ft. Overthinking

Now, there are a few things I know I’m really good at. This list includes talking, being in love, being a swiftie and OVERTHINKING.

Overthinking has been a very irresistible habit of mine and I do it all the time without realising and keep doing it until I completely ruin a good thing. Everyone who has ever known me knows of this ugly habit of mine and it was a major resolution I made for 2022. I think I did a decent job fixing it. I just wanted to look back on the failures I faced fixing it, though.

I do not in any way promote this habit. It can ruin relationships including the one with yourself and make you feel like a wrecking ball, so, don’t do it. Just don’t.

Now overthinking comes in stages. It starts with something happening very normally and suddenly your instincts activate. You see something and make an interpretation of your own. Making an interpretation of your own is normal but when you make a million others and get tangled in the mental trap you created for yourself, there’s no one you can blame, no one you can tell this to because it’s ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

It keeps getting the better of you until you’ve finally figured out a way to tackle it. Honestly, I still end up overthinking little things (such a disgrace to the human race lol). I feel weak, stupid, irritated, overwhelmed, and anxious.

Weak because it’s as if I’ve lost the ability to take control of myself. It feels like a war to get up every day and try to fight the mind that listens to none.

To keep thinking, thinking, thinking, and thinking about things that don’t matter makes us feel like an obstruction in the path of our own growth. Our thoughts decide everything.

The very first word you say every day says a lot about your thoughts. Mine are usually, “what time is it” and I do it every morning because it’s usually afternoon by the time my ‘mornings’ start. There used to be “good mornings” before I got trapped into hypersomniac traits.

I can overthink ANYTHING. It’s something that I tell many people about but I’m not very proud of it. In fact, overthinking is such a draining process it oftens makes me feel like an animal with no other job to do so she’s just busy overthinking everything in her life.

“In my mind
Late at night
Overthinking everything in my life
Just wondering if I’m doing anything right…”

~ Overwhelmed, Ryan Mack

Everything around can be triggering in some way or the other for overthinkers like me who have the very ugly habit of re-iterating every little memory in their head, replaying it over and over again ’til you’ve got 50 different versions of the same story and making incorrect assumptions about what happens next.

Usually what turns out to be is completely different from what was initially overthought. The worst part of this cycle is that once the results are out and it’s nothing like we had presumed it to be we, overthinkers, get satisfied with the results and completely forget the fact that ’til yesterday night I was overthinking this. We overlook this ill habit.

Every time we just overthink and when the results are out, we forget to solve the root problem.

As much as overthinking harms the person himself, the people around are similarly affected due to the ill effects of overthinking. The people around them sense the tension and stress and this leads to them stressing about the same situation. It’s that contagious.

This habit crawls over so bad that it can force you into believing that even the calmest of days are signaling a storm coming by. Instead of living in the moment I’d tend to stress about the unknown.

I knew when ’21 ended that this habit needs working. I cannot say I’m completely over it but yes, I have travelled a long way with it. I still doubt good things and presume until there’s nothing left to but I do not care before hitting Publish every time I snap at my nemesis.

Searching for answers high and low
I kinda can’t stand the usual, oh-oh
I’m certain there’s something more that I don’t know
And I don’t know
But this isn’t what I want
Questioning things I can’t control
Finding my youth’s been getting old
Losing myself when nothing’s wrong
But who knows if
~i think too much
Christian French


My Hindi Lofi Mix Favourites!

Heyyyyyyy y’alllll!!!!!

Soooo yeaaaa I TURNED 15!!! (Ik it’s too late…It’s April now and I turned 15 on the 13th of March but let’s ignore that fact and continue)

Overall, my birthday was nice…I jammed to Taylor’s FIFTEEN all day on and not a very happening birthday but yea, it was nice.

Now, coming to the topic!!

After my ‘From The Diary Of A Pensive Poet’ series, I came up with this super amazing idea. I am a huggggeeeeee music fan and Lofi mixes are a great tonic for me…I have had a splendid experience with Lofi (Slowed+Reverb) Mixes and here are some of my hindi favourites for you just in case, you too, are a Lofi fan like me!!

0:00 Dil Ibaadat

0:00 Tu Hi Haqeeqat

0:00 Jeena Jeena

2:50 Jaan nisaar

38:25 Judaai

5:52 Kuch iss tarah

11:10 Qaafirana

14:43 Kabira

17:38 Tere bin

20:45 Agar tum saath ho

25:55 Shayad

29:14 Humdard

32:59 Aadat

35:54 Tera hone laga hoon

0:14 Woh Lamhe

0:16 Khairiyat

0:10 Enna Sona

0:12 Tujhe Kitna Chahne Lage Hum

YouTube Video Credits:

@MMusic Nation

@Vibez Station

@Music Cafe

@KN Lofi

@Chilled Guy Lofi Station


I would have just shared a playlist with you but unfortunately, not all of these Lofi Flips are available on Spotify so, here it is in the form of timestamps…Do share your preferences with me and let me know for a Part-2!!

Love Love!!


What I have learnt from 2021…

I was lying alone on my couch on the 26th of December ‘thinking’ about how another year had just flown away and I was STILL lying on my couch and ThInkInG~

Let me give you the context. So, every year on the 31st of December I read my annual diary just to check how far I’ve come, as a person. It’s pretty fun and it has become sort of, a ritual for me now.

I obviously couldn’t follow this practice this year cuz I was sick but even if I weren’t sick, I didn’t want to read my pages dated 2021. I know how depressing they are since I had been visiting them over and over again throughout the year.

I just didn’t want to travel back to all those bad memories and make my New Year’s Day another day where I cry and curse myself for having the worst life ever and then falsely convince myself that everything will be okay.

Getting back, on the 26th of December, I was thinking about how I’ll have to AGAIN read my diary in 5 days and try hard to not cringe over my dumbness or cry over my innocence.

Another year of daydreams, unrealistic hopes, failure, a few achievements that hold absolutely NO importance now and yea, LOTS of regrets.

2021 was definitely not my year but it taught me a bunch of things that I surely will learn from and try to apply in 2022 and forth.

I came up with this list of learnings on the 26th of December, 2021 *as dated in my journal*. There were around 30-35 such “points of wisdom” but I think some of them got too personal so I am sharing 15 of them with y’all. I don’t really mind sharing them but they all have a backstory and I am sure you guys don’t have time to read 35 backstories.😂

Anyways, here are some of those Musings…

  • Sometimes you have to accept that some things will never go back to how they used to be.
  • Sometimes all you need is for someone just to be there even if they can’t solve your problems.Just knowing there is someone who cares can make all the difference.
  • “Doing your best” does not mean working yourself to the point of a mental breakdown.
  • Trust yourself.You’ve survived a lot and you’ll survive what’s coming.
  • Be an encourager.The world has plenty of critics already.
  • It’s Okay if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again.It’s okay to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control.You are not weak.Healing is messy.There is no timeline for healing.
  • Sensitive people should be treasured.They love deeply and think deeply about life.They are loyal, honest and true.The simple things sometimes mean the most to them.They don’t need to change or harden.Their purity makes them who they are.
  • WE ALL HAVE A PAST. We’ve all made choices that maybe weren’t the best ones.None of us are completely innocent, but we get a fresh start everyday to be a better person than we were yesterday.
  • You are strong for getting out of bed in the morning when it feels like hell.You are brave for doing things even though they scare you or make you anxious.And you are amazing for trying and holding on no matter how hard life gets.
  • Love the people who stick with you even in your worst phases.These are the people who want to see you soar high.
  • Learn the art of saying “NO“. Don’t lie.Don’t make excuses.Don’t over explain yourself.Just simply decline.
  • Being social helps but if you want to be caged in your room on some occassions don’t feel like you’re changing, it’s just you maturing.
  • It’s ok to convince someone you love even if you are not the reason behind them being upset BUT if convincing them tests your dignity and respect.JUST LEAVE.
  • Don’t ever love or trust someone more than yourself otherwise you’ll always see yourself crying for others.
  • Most importantly, give love, but keep some for yourself.Respect all, but yourself first.

These are the main learnings that I thought are worth sharing.I hope you too could relate with some. They say, 2020 took a toll on everyone’s mental health. I think 2020 was an AMAZING year. *Please don’t kill me after this*

I still haven’t figured out what went so wrong with 2021 that I am forced to tag it as the worst year ever. *STAWP RANTING*

Well, the year is just a number. We get a chance every day. So, I wish you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Welcome to 2022. Another year of learnings, lessons, rants, self-discovery and so much more! Let all the experiences of your past year be your best guide in the New Year.