It’s so stupid how being alone sounds like such a terrible idea but it’s the BEST THING EVER. I won’t lie, I am not the one who’ll stay inside forever. I need people. I need noise and chattering heads, talking nonsense all the time. (No introverts were harmed during the making of this blog post lol)
I dunno, it just makes me happy. Helps feel energised and when you’re a part of a large…largeeeeee friend circle, triskaidecagon, in my case, you know it’s not always the easiest task to have an individual identity while being in a group.
Sometimes, you’d feel ignored or less tended to, not important, made to feel worthless or get unintentionally outcasted. When everyone goes out, has fun, and posts pictures of them partying and enjoying while you weren’t invited? This can make you feel lonelier than ever. You start seeking attention. In all possible ways. And when you don’t get it you start hoping everyone just forgets you and realise…wait, haven’t they, already?
These can be the subtle signs that you too, are caught in the vicious cycle of finding the “I” in “us”.
It can be confusing…All these emotions, all at once. I mean, I’ll tell you, I have been in a group with like 13 people (hence, the title…don’t assume my math status, it’s terrible and I mean TERRIBLE) and what’s amazing is that each one of us had an individuality or so I felt.
Each one of us was something different and unique. We were all a group yet knew where we divide the lines and chose our ‘friends’ and our ‘best friends’ and our ‘just friends’. And we were only 10!
We’re like 15 now. Isn’t it stupid how we mess this up now? I mean, we didn’t back then…What went wrong? When did we stop drawing ‘the line’. The line that divides and cuts you off from those 12 others?
Guess, it never existed. It didn’t. In my case, atleast.
To survive in a group of highly diversified people, it’s important to figure out your own essence. When I, yet again, became a part of a very VERY mentally draining group where the people were nice, but you know, all of us were a bunch of teenagers, all going through different stuff, some of ’em going through the really bad stuff and some of them just faking it.
In the midst of all this, I started questioning myself. If I leave, who cares? And till when does the care last? Today? Or maybe till next week? Or month? And then? It’s over.
It’s all temporary. Nothing lasts forever.
But that’s another topic to talk about. The main question is, WHO CARES? Someone? No one? It can be shattering at first that no one reached out. I remember not going to school for like 4 days in a row while I like maintaining a decent attendance and nobody really…cared? to ask, even?
That’s when I realised that I am caught in this friend triskaidecagon where I have completely lost myself while hitting every corner of the triskaidecagon and yet returning to the same corner, every time, ignored, unloved.
I felt alienated. ‘Estranged’ is the word they used and I won’t disagree.
This triskaidecagon, it’s people, they were my everything. Now, what do I do? Out of 12 others, most don’t care and the few ones who do are so caught up in their own lives, they’ll maybe never be able to see my side. I didn’t want to feel like a problem that needs to be resolved and so I came up with this 7-step strategy I followed:
- Repeat step 1
- If toxic, repeat step 2
- Repeat step 5
Step 1, is to prioritise. Prioritise the people in your life. Choose people who deserve your love, mental peace, advice, care, patience, and tolerance. Remember, just because you love them doesn’t mean you have to make them your priority. If they’re really accepting and responding to your efforts also counts.
Step 2, very important, de-clutter. My friend once told me this and my Mumma framed it very beautifully. I carried this myself a long way and it has actually helped clear up big chaos in my life. If your life is too occupied by people who are clogging your mindset, your self-worth, and your attitude toward life and negatively affecting your life in absolutely any way that’s inhibiting your growth, WALK OUT. Create a semi-permeable membrane around you and only let YOU decide who stays and who doesn’t. Break free from the walls of others if you feel caged in them.
“This is the part when I break free
‘Cause I can’t resist it no more”
~ Break Free
When I say “remove the clutter from your life”, no, I’m not telling you to ghost people on social media or in real life, that’s not a very mature thing to do. Instead, try giving it closure. Maybe write it down or face them about it. Tell them that you’re not happy with the way things have worked out and that you wish to leave or maybe take a break from everything.
Now, you might also think I am telling people to ‘escape’ when extremities hit, but no, that’s not the idea. What I intend to say is that it’s better you tell them before it gets worse. Remember, being selfish for yourself isn’t a very bad idea. It’s important you realise it sooner. Show ’em that you’re trying really hard to sustain this friendship but if you see your worth drowning somewhere then it’s better to leave than lie. Analyse people, their actions, and behaviour around you. Don’t let love take over respect. They go hand-in-hand. Analyse their actions after you leave. If you see a positive change after you take a break from them, you might want to give it another try but if you only see them backbiting and singing around stories, making you the villain, you know it’s time.
“Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing”
~It’s Time To Go
Now, this is a pro tip for people like me, who are bad at goodbyes. To Distance.
I know it can be hard to bid goodbye to people you are extremely, extremely close to. But what you can do is distance yourself from people who are too hard to leave and too hard to stay with, at the same time. Go slow, take baby steps and move a little back. Be friendly, but not friends. Mind you, there’s a difference. You don’t have to stay with them the same way before but that also doesn’t mean hate. ‘Indifference’ is a term that exists. Apply it. This is the best way of negotiation where no one gets hurt, no fake niceties and no one feels blamed.
Now, many people might not find these experiences worth a share but if you are anywhere like me then these tips might help.
While these tips worked out for me, they might not work out for everyone. Not everyone can hear taunts about being an ‘escapist’, ‘coward’, ‘ghoster’, ‘villain’, ‘victim’, ‘over-sharer’, ‘attention-seeker’, and some other words that require censorship. When you walk out people can say things about you, they’ll say ‘you’ve changed’, some might start ‘hating’ you while others might start ’empathising’ with you. What I suggest you to do is to START FRESH.
This is a big world and there are many more people out there who’re in search of someone like you. You might have encounters with the people from your past walking around but when you see the hate in their eyes while you only feel…nothing? Everything feels worth it.
While it feels like a big decision in the start, at the end of the day, when you go to bed, with a clear mind, happy with the fact that you just covered a post while using all those people as a pawn (this sounds rude, but no, won’t delete), not having to think about yet another day you’d have to deal with feeling invisible and bullied and unloved because you took the right decision and chose to leave at the right time, you wouldn’t care about what they say.
Trust me. You wouldn’t…
P.S: Don’t kill me for the ‘not getting invited to parties’ thing, I know you guys invite me and I don’t turn up. You know, I have rEaSOns 💀. I love you guys anywayyyy😭💞🌏