He chose me. He chose to give me the chance to come to this world and have my share of experiences and failures and lessons and dispatch from it all. He made me a certain way. Designed me the way I was meant to be. The way I could fulfill my purpose that I am unknown to. But life put me through things I was never designed for and I designed myself the way I was never meant to be.
I was never designed for self-loathe
never designed for bullying
For being selfish
I was never designed to hate because I don’t love me
For tearing down at the smallest
For feeling weak.
I was never designed for laughing at someone
Or making them feel insecure
For leaving people alone
And for never owning up to it
For pretending I don’t feel anything, I was never designed
For pretending that I feel everything, I was never designed
For hiding in my closet to ignore what’s outside, I was never designed
Never designed to be so caught up in me that I forget to see their efforts to love me.
Long time, no see? Ahh, I know…I almost forgot to log into my account but nevermind here is a post that I have been working on for like a week and still haven’t posted it cuz I’m lazyyyyyyyyyy
So yea, I have been working a little on myself and I don’t know if I am doing enough but yeah these days when I go to bed I feel content so I guess I’m on the right track.
Well, here are 18 tips that I follow for self-confidence. I want to mention that I am not stereotypically beautiful or reach any beauty standard. These are just ways I’ve figured out to beautify my inner self.
1) Walk with your head high (I cannot stress this enough). It literally changes the game for you when you have your chin up.
2) Babe, that smile of yours…wear it ALL THE DAMN TIME… It’s better than any highlighter.
3) Walk with your back straight and try improving your posture.
4) Wear clothes that you are comfortable in. It could be anything!
5) you don’t have to look hot in order to feel hot! Being hot is a feeling!!! It’s a vibe !!!
6) Try dancing! Try moving in front of the mirror to see how you move. It’ll take time. You’ll look stupid believe me. But you’ll get better with time.
7) Encourage yourself when you want to give up on something you recently started and want to stop because you’re being impatient and it isn’t showing any results. The thought that personally helps me is ” What if I walked all this way only to turn back and go to the starting point to realize that my end goal was nearer than it seemed before I turned my back on it”. Regret pinches more than failure.
8) Take up space while you’re sitting or standing or doing anything. It depicts your territory and dare not anyone trespass it.
9) Take care of your skin. It could be just putting on moisturizer but it’s a part of taking care of yourself that’s called self-love.
10) Take care of your hair it’s so important it can make or break a look even if you are in sweatpants or sweatshirts it can still make you feel pretty when your hair is clean and brushed. [FOR GIRLS] Do braids if you’re running out of time and if you have curly hair. To all besties with kinky hair try keeping it short and nourished. It really helps!!
11) take care of your hairline, DO NOT DO high ponytails all the time.” yuh yuh” I know, it looks pretty on celebrities (Ariana ✋🏻) but they have access to all kinds of beauty products that some or maybe a lot of people don’t. It’s difficult growing back the lost hairline.
12) Delete social media to de-stress. The people you compare yourself to don’t even look like themselves in person. If you are insecure because you actually see a pretty person in real life, compliment them then come back and say to yourself “Someone else’s beauty doesn’t diminish mine”. It works!!!! If it doesn’t work then maybe leave? You’ll get better at appreciating the beauty in others without putting yourself down. GIVE IT TIME.
13) You don’t have to be pretty to actually BE pretty. Smile often, and get help if you’re struggling mentally ( if you can’t afford it try talking to your friends or family, don’t have that either?. Write down your thoughts and analyse them. Try to be self-aware. Try to analyse your problems from a different POV and then give yourself a solution. Not helping? Try talking to the universe/ God. I know it sounds stupid. But they listen. There’s a higher being and it listens. Have faith 🙂
14) Give yourself a pat during tough times. Your body is going through so much to keep you alive it needs reassurance that you’re doing your part too! Please look at yourself and thank, yes THANK your body for being this amazing! It’s trying to help you please feed it positivity and nurture it with healthy food.
15) While exercising try to think about GROWING STRONG rather than the outward aesthetic. Think about all the amazing things you can do with your body when it’s strong! Ice skating? Ballroom dancing? Gymnastics? Everything? Hell yes!!!!! Yes, sure a perfect body would be nice but it would be so much better to have stronger legs and a stronger back!!! Think about it this way!!!
16) Do not do or buy things just because they’re trending. Trends go in and out of style. But we never go out of style! *You see what I did there fellow swifties U_U*. Create your own identity with utmost care and love.
17) Make yourself intelligent. No, I won’t ask you to search up the cosmos but Read!! Work!! Get a hobby!! Do everything and anything you can! You never know which skill set will help you move further in life.
18) And yes, the most important one. BE KIND. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. TO PEOPLE. TO ANIMALS. TO NATURE. HELP YOURSELF. HELP ANIMALS. HELP PEOPLE. IT’S IMPORTANT. The kindness you spread reflects on your face and makes your soul shine through. Everything will work only if you believe that you deserve it. If you believe you deserve it then you will have to put a little effort into it. When you put the effort into yourself you’ll get the best results.
So these were some tips that have personally benefitted me through my journey of working on self-confidence. Yes, I do fail to meet all of these parameters at times, but yes, I’m trying so I guess… I’ll be there soon!
Soooo yeaaaa I TURNED 15!!! (Ik it’s too late…It’s April now and I turned 15 on the 13th of March but let’s ignore that fact and continue)
Overall, my birthday was nice…I jammed to Taylor’s FIFTEEN all day on and not a very happening birthday but yea, it was nice.
Now, coming to the topic!!
After my ‘From The Diary Of A Pensive Poet’ series, I came up with this super amazing idea. I am a huggggeeeeee music fan and Lofi mixes are a great tonic for me…I have had a splendid experience with Lofi (Slowed+Reverb) Mixes and here are some of my hindi favourites for you just in case, you too, are a Lofi fan like me!!
I would have just shared a playlist with you but unfortunately, not all of these Lofi Flips are available on Spotify so, here it is in the form of timestamps…Do share your preferences with me and let me know for a Part-2!!
I’m gonna bore you with these until I get this fever off *which is prolly not very soon 🤪*.
I’m gonna continue the series however, I am also planning to include other blogs whilst this goes on.
So yea, this one is very much inspired by a story that I read up online about a victim of substance abuse and how she felt while trying to get rid of it. I, myself have been a part of the process where you are just trying to let go of something but there’s a feeling that lingers on you and it’s hard to do away with it but you still try and eventually, muster up the courage and fight that feeling that doesn’t let you move on.
I describe this feeling as ‘THE CREEPER‘.
The creeper that climbs over you but at the end, like every other bad thing, dies.
It’s been three months
And it's still here
I don’t see it though
But it's in my head
There are some feelings
That come to leave
But this one will stay
Now, I believe
The feeling, that creeps over you
When you aren’t looking
It climbs up your arms
And tightly grips your palms
It lingers through your chest
Up through your skull and crest
By the time, you look to find what’s there
You see, like creepers it’s on you everywhere
The feeling of guilt
The fear of losing you
Crying, rolled up in my quilt
Thinking who I’ve turned into
The feeling never dies
Even when you’ve moved away
Cuz you can always move apart
But for how long shall you escape?
You know it’ll come back for you
It’ll haunt you in your dreams
The feeling is there
At midnight, to make you scream
I’d still come back and fight
But I don’t know
If I even want to, now
And even if I try to
It wouldn’t help anyhow
The creeper would still linger
With a tighter grip, this time around
To reflect on the deepest feeling
Buried within you, that you never want to dig out
It digs it out,
Just to salt your wounds
Just to make you cry
Just to make you lose
Oh, It's such a shame!
That I’m still here
After going through hell
The creeper wrapped around my heart, it’s near
It has enveloped it so well
It once, felt like caressing to me
But now, it seems like choking
This is what the creeper does
It haunts you for your past
It keeps taunting and poking
It won't let you grow
It won't let you try
It would just suck your soul
The next time you cry
The creeper is a feeling
It's hard to explain how it
It's like a permanent scar on you
Each time you try to heal,
it ends in hurt and pain
You want it to go away
You try every single day
As soon as you get out of bed
With the first sigh of breath, you say
"Had I known, this pain would be so bad
I would have never started it!"
But within, you know if the pain was undone
You wouldn't have got this fire lit
The fire within you
That can burn the creeper down
That pushes you to wake up
Each breathless morning
That tells you, "There's still a way around"
If the creeper is permanent
Then, so is your fire!
It's a battle of equals
End your toxic relation with liars
I know, it seems impossible
But it's always impossible until it's done
And if you would never break
Then you will never learn
If you have the creeper binding you
It's okay, if it's there
But remember it isn't permanent
It's not gonna stay
Ignite the fire in you
To burn the creeper down in flames
Let its branches twist and turn
So that, it never twists your bruise and pain
Let the creeper get tormented
The way it tortured you to burn, before
Let it know that you are strong
And you’re going to break its bones
It’s always a challenge to fight
Something in you, that’s bigger than you
But the bigger it is, the better it gets
For, the bars will rise and you’ll breakthrough
That’s when you’ll see
That your heart is free
From the darkness
Of the night
And that’s when you’ll find
That the creeper’s long gone
And you, are in the brightest shone
Sooo yeaaaaa…The idea popped up in my head last night and the feeling just poured out. Do lemme know what else do you think I should write about. I’ll see if I can put my skills to the test!
Another one to the row. This poem is titled ‘I lost you’. I dwelled a lot on the title. I finally settled with this. Do let me know if you come up with better ideas for this one.
*I LOST YOU*
Have you ever felt like
All yo’ relations are falling apart?
Have you ever felt like
You’ve lost a part of your heart?
Well, I lost you
And That’s when I lost me.
I’m messing with myself
I think I’m hurtin’ you
I’m questioning myself
I’m questioning my love for you
You misjudge me for someone new
You don’t know I’m the one you never knew!
Have you ever felt like
I am salting all your burns?
And have you ever felt like
You make mistakes and you never learn?
Is it true…
That I’ve lost you?
Is it you?
Have I lost you?
I don’t know why I ever said
What I said
And I wish I always knew
What you never said
You were hurting me and burning me
Where I was the weakest
But you also stayed with me
When my survival chances were bleakest
Now you were twisting my faith
And stabbing my hope
Taking me down that road
Slipping me off that slope
I wish I could say
All your words were a hoax
Those words, that you laughed away
Like one of your jokes
It’s twelve o’ five and I still don’t know
If I’ll be up and drunk in guilt, till two
Or if, I’ll tuck inside and cry in bed
Cuz maybe you’re out with someone new
I really don’t know
And it’s such a shame
I don’t know where I fell so short
That we’re here, again
Have you ever felt like
The world is falling apart?
The people you love the most
Don’t seem to know your heart?
Have you ever felt like
You’re so caught up and so confused
That you’re dying within
Cuz you feel accused?
I just wanted your better
Just didn’t know how to say it
I plead you to be better
But it’s all caught up in this silly letter
I think, I know
I lost you
Only to lose me
I’m selfish, I know
Now, I want you
Cuz I want me.
I bet we remember our first crush! That feeling of fantasy and daydreaming about them is one of the best feelings ever. I myself have had a couple of crushes and all my friends know how often I fall for someone 😂😂 so this one’s about one such crush of mine. This musing actually made me feel proud of myself for how observant I am when it comes to my crush :”D
Never mind, let’s jump right into this poem titled, ‘A New Crush‘.
*A NEW CRUSH*
I see you walking down the hall
Your scent hits my sixth sense, before
I see you like this so often,
It just makes me want you more
You’re like the wood cycad leaf
So rare to be seen
With flowing eyes like water
You’re just a boy of fifteen
I say, “I hate you”
But I love you more than ever
It’s your magnetic force pulling me towards you
Am I letting you go? No! Never!
So tall and smart,
You make me twirl my hair
You just walk past me
And now I see you everywhere
You give me that stare
Raise your brow,
This look is what I fear
I’m breathless, I freeze
I gulp my shiver,
now that you’re near
I flicker my eyes faster than ever
Just to not get mesmerised by your view
You touch my hand, I jerk back
Now I know, I’m so into you
Can't get my eyes off your charm
When the sun rays hit your face
Your smile reflecting your poise
Now you're my latest gold chase
I am your pursuer, now that
My face is in a red blush
I think,I’ve got you
I think, I’ve got a new crush
I hope you could relate with this one! I had a lot of fun writing it. Lemme know what you feel about this poem in the comments!
Here I am with another addition to the Poem Series. This one’s called ‘Friends In Love‘.
This one’s extremely dear to my heart. It’s about how two ‘friends’ can secretly be ‘friends in love’ and leave everyone scratching their heads for clues but always come out clean. It isn’t a relationship, it is an unsung, young love that starts unrevealed and ends in secret.
Since, the love is unrevealed, so is the pain and so is the heartbreak. It’s all A SECRET.
It leaves both of them marred in a way, but they choose to learn than leave. People say, ”You can never–just be friends–with someone you fell in love with” but, I believe if you stay friends with someone you fell in love with, then you are more than just friends, you are best friends.
So, this is how it goes!
*FRIENDS IN LOVE*
It’s our little secret
No one knows yet
Not a single soul knows
How we first met.
This is how the story goes,
We started out strangers
Then became friends
Soon, we were in love
And that’s how it ends.
Wait, are we still in love?
Now, that depends
Cuz we were ‘friends in love’
That’s where it transcends
“What’s behind these besties?”
“What do they talk about all night?”
Only we know, why
They say, we make a great pair
I don’t disagree
I was the first one
To take our friendship
To another degree
Everything comes at a cost
And so did this
Since we were ‘friends in love’
We were a secret, an untold bliss
I wanted to reveal
Our sweet love hunch
But you don’t just jump to the sweet
Without the starters and the lunch
And so that’s where we messed up
The main course it was
I had too many expectations
I should’ve known, I’m a house of flaws
There you go
You say it’s all fake
As if I didn’t know
My head knew
It’ll end in flames
But my heart’s still a child
And it got played
Not your fault, my friendly muse
It’s alright if we aren’t in love anymore
It’s ok if we lost without having anything to lose
And if we silently walked out the door
I just want you to know
What I learnt from this sweet young love
That after being a ‘friend in love’ with few
I’ll never dare to love another friend
The way I loved you
‘Friends In Love’
Strangers Best Friends
A beautiful journey of transitions and learning!
Not all love’s for show and this is living proof. Do tell me whatcha think about this one in the comments!
So, this poem is dedicated to my Bestie ❤ who has been with me through my thick and thin. It’s ironic how I could never pour out my feelings for her on paper before we got into this major fight *it’s been one of our longest, however, we sorted it out pretty quickly LOL*. But, how her absence actually affected me and made me feel guilty about this fight urged me to express my love and gratitude towards her. I had no words that could justify my feelings so I just let my heart flow with this poem.
It’s called, ‘She‘.
A girl with a smile…
With a hope to shine
I could see it in her
Someone I could call mine.
I was an alien there
And so was ‘She’.
But we soon said “Hi”
I just hoped she’d like me
Like? She loved me!
She really did.
In a way, no one else did before.
She trusted me.
In a way, I wish I could do
I blamed her for it.
For everything that happened.
But then came a storm
None of us could have imagined.
She was different.
She was fun.
She was chirpy.
She was young.
With the heart of a child
And with the soul like none.
I really love her
But she’ll never know
How I kept dumb
When her words
left me numb
I wish, she could know
how much I need empathy
On days where I get nothing,
She would love me on my darkest days
I hope, I too, could love her
Could make her realise, she's more than a friend
She's like my sister
She would hug me
When I’d want to die
And suddenly, I’d feel free.
I miss her…
I miss “us”
What once was ours
Is now no one’s
It’s like she’s gone but a part of me
She took away
It’s not even been four days
And I already want her to stay
I just want us to be back
Cuz I miss her
I really really do.
But I’m so sick of lying
Like everything’s fine, everything’s true.
I hope she doesn’t hate me now
For telling her the truth
But I want to always protect her
Cuz the world out there is so brute
What if they use her?
And throw her
Like they did to me?
What if she has to go through
What I have seen?
I don't want her to break
But she’ll never know that.
She’ll just read my words
And blame me for being bad.
It ain’t her fault.
My words were so harsh
They must have brought her world
To a halt.
But just think it through, my love
Did you never know?
They are all faking it!
They’ll just make you low.
She, who loved me
She, who cared for me
She, who missed me when I was gone.
She, who patched my broken wings together
She, well now she…is gone.
Lots of love to my muse, My bestie for inspiration. ♥
It was so great to see her reaction when she first read this poem. I was actually in tears and that's when I decided to make sure this goes on to be a part of the series. ✨
Another one coming up tomorrow...Stay tuned 🙃
So I was just randomly putting down my thoughts on paper and I came up with this. It’s literally nothing but a random imagination of how I sometimes dream of people who have now lost a friend very close to them and how they didn’t realise this when the person was with them. It’s like a poem written in the future dedicated to themselves reading it now, in the present so that they realise what they are doing wrong and how they still have a chance to save themselves from losing a true friend who actually deserved love and empathy but failed to receive it.
It’s the first poem in this series. It’s called ‘I wish, I knew‘.
*I WISH, I KNEW*
I see her smiling in the crowds
I never knew she is silently screaming alone
She is yelling in silence, it was so loud
Cuz our words used to cut to her bone
I wish I knew
What she was going through
I wish…I could help her
I wish I could say a big “Thank you”
But none, did I do her
I wish I knew
How the despondent nights shove her
And by morning
It’s only her remains
She woke up
The breathless morning
And her soul
She never said a word
She never complained
Sat with everyone
As if everything’s okay
Laughed at our jokes
Cried in our pain
But who knew, within
She was going insane
Friends, she hoped would bring her up
Could only bring her down
With the words they said
But they never realised
How harsh they were
Until they heard
What they once said
She warned us, “Change!”
But we were too blind to see
And now it’s too late
There’s no ‘Her’
It’s just we…
She could never do anything
More than rant about her sad (sadness)
To the only few real friends
She thought she really had
She never asked for anything
Nothing much, just a hand
That asked her to stay
A soul, that could understand
She knew about everyone
All their midnight problems
And breakup-over-text fights
Did we ever ask her
If she is ok?
If she is alright?
It isn’t just enough to ask her
The pain she never speaks
Cuz if she hid it from us in the start
There was definitely something
She wanted from us to keep
What was it?
Did we ever wish to know?
Did we ever treasure her, “Yes” ?
Did we ever respect her, “No” ?
She was never mad
Always staying shush
Cuz she would never let out a secret
She would die, but never let out one!
We trusted her
Yes, we did
But she had a limit too
Did we see
That she is just like us?
Someone with no one to look up to ?
But now that she’s gone
Too far away to be seen
I think, I regret this
I guess, I was mean
I wish I could ask her,
“Please, come back to me”
For I miss you
“Stay with me,please?”
I wish I could tell her
That Yes! Her voice matters
I wish I could tell her
That after she was gone
Like glass, we all shattered
I wish I could bring her back
I wish with her, I could relate
Maybe just a “Thank You” would do
So say it
Before it’s too late
You still have a chance
Save her from fading away
Before you become the one
Reciting her this poem
Don’t make her a victim
Don’t make her your prey
Go and save
Your tears for another day
Some day when you realise
The cost she comes for
Maybe you’ll understand
What you once had, is really lost
Don’t be the one
To say this, one day
That you wish you knew
Her sorrow and her pain
You wish, you could help her
You wish, you could say a big “Thank you”
Maybe then you’ll realise
That a mere ‘sorry’, a ‘thank you’
Would never do…
She'd be gone and buried
And you'd all be standing by her grave, serried
And what you'd wish for, then
No one would care
Cuz then you'll have a bigger loss
I personally love this one. ❤
Extremely personal and comforting. Each time I read it, it takes me back to a phase I was in and makes me relate with this situation. And that's why, I chose to start the series with this poem. I hope you liked it 🙂
Do tell me whatcha feel about this one!
So, I had been thinking of trying something new, something out of my area of expertise and my very dear friends gave me a click and I have just thought of launching a Poem Series named ‘From The Diary Of A Pensive Poet’ where I’ll share with you some of my random contemplations and I have too many muses to choose from so I guess, this is gonna be lovely!
Also, it would be great if you keep suggesting add-ons and deletions in these poems cuz again, I am not an adept poet but I think writing poems just helps me let my emotions flow and so, that’s why we’re here!
I hope you guys like this series. I’ll be posting the poems very often so you’ll get a lot from me in the next few days. Stay tuned!