He chose me. He chose to give me the chance to come to this world and have my share of experiences and failures and lessons and dispatch from it all. He made me a certain way. Designed me the way I was meant to be. The way I could fulfill my purpose that I am unknown to. But life put me through things I was never designed for and I designed myself the way I was never meant to be.
I was never designed for self-loathe
never designed for bullying
For being selfish
I was never designed to hate because I don’t love me
For tearing down at the smallest
For feeling weak.
I was never designed for laughing at someone
Or making them feel insecure
For leaving people alone
And for never owning up to it
For pretending I don’t feel anything, I was never designed
For pretending that I feel everything, I was never designed
For hiding in my closet to ignore what’s outside, I was never designed
Never designed to be so caught up in me that I forget to see their efforts to love me.
I was lying alone on my couch on the 26th of December ‘thinking’ about how another year had just flown away and I was STILL lying on my couch and ThInkInG~
Let me give you the context. So, every year on the 31st of December I read my annual diary just to check how far I’ve come, as a person. It’s pretty fun and it has become sort of, a ritual for me now.
I obviously couldn’t follow this practice this year cuz I was sick but even if I weren’t sick, I didn’t want to read my pages dated 2021. I know how depressing they are since I had been visiting them over and over again throughout the year.
I just didn’t want to travel back to all those bad memories and make my New Year’s Day another day where I cry and curse myself for having the worst life ever and then falsely convince myself that everything will be okay.
Getting back, on the 26th of December, I was thinking about how I’ll have to AGAIN read my diary in 5 days and try hard to not cringe over my dumbness or cry over my innocence.
Another year of daydreams, unrealistic hopes, failure, a few achievements that hold absolutely NO importance now and yea, LOTS of regrets.
2021 was definitely not my year but it taught me a bunch of things that I surely will learn from and try to apply in 2022 and forth.
I came up with this list of learnings on the 26th of December, 2021 *as dated in my journal*. There were around 30-35 such “points of wisdom” but I think some of them got too personal so I am sharing 15 of them with y’all. I don’t really mind sharing them but they all have a backstory and I am sure you guys don’t have time to read 35 backstories.😂
Anyways, here are some of those Musings…
Sometimes you have to accept that some things will never go back to how they used to be.
Sometimes all you need is for someone just to be there even if they can’t solve your problems.Just knowing there is someone who cares can make all the difference.
“Doing your best” does not mean working yourself to the point of a mental breakdown.
Trust yourself.You’ve survived a lot and you’ll survive what’s coming.
Be an encourager.The world has plenty of critics already.
It’s Okay if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again.It’s okay to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control.You are not weak.Healing is messy.There is no timeline for healing.
Sensitive people should be treasured.They love deeply and think deeply about life.They are loyal, honest and true.The simple things sometimes mean the most to them.They don’t need to change or harden.Their purity makes them who they are.
WE ALL HAVE A PAST. We’ve all made choices that maybe weren’t the best ones.None of us are completely innocent, but we get a fresh start everyday to be a better person than we were yesterday.
You are strong for getting out of bed in the morning when it feels like hell.You are brave for doing things even though they scare you or make you anxious.And you are amazing for trying and holding on no matter how hard life gets.
Love the people who stick with you even in your worst phases.These are the people who want to see you soar high.
Learn the art of saying “NO“. Don’t lie.Don’t make excuses.Don’t over explain yourself.Just simply decline.
Being social helps but if you want to be caged in your room on some occassions don’t feel like you’re changing, it’s just you maturing.
It’s ok to convince someone you love even if you are not the reason behind them being upset BUT if convincing them tests your dignity and respect.JUST LEAVE.
Don’t ever love or trust someone more than yourself otherwise you’ll always see yourself crying for others.
Most importantly, give love, but keep some for yourself.Respect all, but yourself first.
These are the main learnings that I thought are worth sharing.I hope you too could relate with some. They say, 2020 took a toll on everyone’s mental health. I think 2020 was an AMAZING year. *Please don’t kill me after this*
I still haven’t figured out what went so wrong with 2021 that I am forced to tag it as the worst year ever. *STAWP RANTING*
Well, the year is just a number. We get a chance every day. So, I wish you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Welcome to 2022. Another year of learnings, lessons, rants, self-discovery and so much more! Let all the experiences of your past year be your best guide in the New Year.
SOLITUDE. I love it more than anything else. The peace and satisfaction of enjoying your own company is unmatched!!
You don’t need someone else to make you happy. You, yourself are enough to give yourself the love and fulfilment that you need. Thank you Mr. Bean for this great life lesson :)) PS: We all need a Teddy too
Tell me what you learnt from Mr. Bean in the comments!! ~Priyamvada
So the past few days… in fact, weeks have been more of a rollercoaster ride for me ’cause I have been switching between emotions and I don’t really know how I am feeling right now.
There is a lot of pressure…exam pressure, societal pressure and a few more INDIAN things. [these Indian things can be good and bad 🙂 ]
So, every time someone asks me how I am…I just say…I’m fine. I am not sure though. I am sure I am fine…but am I “JUST FINE”??
So people my age face it right?? so maybe it’s not a really big deal but maybe it is. Maybe it’s a GREAT DEAL.
I’m being very candid when I say this…many a times I do not feel very good…sometimes I just NEED a change from that everyday schedule where I squint my eyes in front of the blue screen for 9-10 hours in a row…
Sometimes…it’s just important to TAKE A BREAK.
But all those responsibilities and expectations…it makes it harder…Things became better for me when you all surprised me with 1k views and 50 followers though!!
I have been trying my best to draw out all the negativity and feel better and study harder…get better grades.Be nice and be happy.Be PERFECT.
But it’s not easy to be everyone’s “FAVOURITE GIRL”. Sometimes I just want to be myself sit in a corner and talk to myself.I wish I could escape all of this and just relax.I wish…
Hey Discoverers!! So this is an extract from my journal dated 12th June, 2021. So my exams were approaching. Everything was completely messed up and weird. I felt confused all the time. I just wanted to talk and talk and talk!! But couldn’t go out so I just talked to myself cuz that’s how I could enjoy solitude.
Things have become better now though cuz I am done with my exams(hopefully they were better than I had expected and marks don’t really matter though I am sure they would be really good).
Also I met my cousins yesterday. We had a family reunion so I got to meet many of my friends and cousins after months and it was a good way to stay away from all the stress and fear of exams and just RELAX and ENJOY!!
I really wanted to share this extract with you all cuz I wanted you to know how things change if we give them some TIME and now that I look back to “THE ME” exactly one month back, I realise that things aren’t as bad as we think they are. They just become better with time. We just need to be PATIENT and let TIME heal.
It’s surprising to see that the human eye perceives negative things way more quickly as compared to positive things. People just won’t stop complaining!!
They’ll find your flaws and faults even when you are trying to do everything possible. You can’t change their mindset but what you can do is to live the way you want to cause you are the best version of you. There might be thousands of flaws in you but you don’t need to take them seriously if you know what you are doing is right. Just smile and drive out all the negativity around you.
Would love to know your comments through the comments!!
I’ll be honest…I’ve been a big mood for the past few days and when you are having a bad day and all the negativity has surrounded you…when you are highly irritated and frustrated cuz of the same ol’ schedule and never ending problems…the most courageous decision that you make is to be in a good mood. Make a happy face and pretend to love everything.That’s what we do EVERY SINGLE DAY.
100% true! ‘Be what you are’ that is what I always emphasise on! When you are being true to yourself by being who you are…you are proving the society wrong. You become rebellious. To be different and to live your life the way you want to!
You won’t get this life again…Live it to your fullest!