Sunshine after rain or the calm before a storm? ft. Overthinking

Now, there are a few things I know I’m really good at. This list includes talking, being in love, being a swiftie and OVERTHINKING.

Overthinking has been a very irresistible habit of mine and I do it all the time without realising and keep doing it until I completely ruin a good thing. Everyone who has ever known me knows of this ugly habit of mine and it was a major resolution I made for 2022. I think I did a decent job fixing it. I just wanted to look back on the failures I faced fixing it, though.

I do not in any way promote this habit. It can ruin relationships including the one with yourself and make you feel like a wrecking ball, so, don’t do it. Just don’t.

Now overthinking comes in stages. It starts with something happening very normally and suddenly your instincts activate. You see something and make an interpretation of your own. Making an interpretation of your own is normal but when you make a million others and get tangled in the mental trap you created for yourself, there’s no one you can blame, no one you can tell this to because it’s ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

It keeps getting the better of you until you’ve finally figured out a way to tackle it. Honestly, I still end up overthinking little things (such a disgrace to the human race lol). I feel weak, stupid, irritated, overwhelmed, and anxious.

Weak because it’s as if I’ve lost the ability to take control of myself. It feels like a war to get up every day and try to fight the mind that listens to none.

To keep thinking, thinking, thinking, and thinking about things that don’t matter makes us feel like an obstruction in the path of our own growth. Our thoughts decide everything.

The very first word you say every day says a lot about your thoughts. Mine are usually, “what time is it” and I do it every morning because it’s usually afternoon by the time my ‘mornings’ start. There used to be “good mornings” before I got trapped into hypersomniac traits.

I can overthink ANYTHING. It’s something that I tell many people about but I’m not very proud of it. In fact, overthinking is such a draining process it oftens makes me feel like an animal with no other job to do so she’s just busy overthinking everything in her life.

“In my mind
Late at night
Overthinking everything in my life
Just wondering if I’m doing anything right…”

~ Overwhelmed, Ryan Mack

Everything around can be triggering in some way or the other for overthinkers like me who have the very ugly habit of re-iterating every little memory in their head, replaying it over and over again ’til you’ve got 50 different versions of the same story and making incorrect assumptions about what happens next.

Usually what turns out to be is completely different from what was initially overthought. The worst part of this cycle is that once the results are out and it’s nothing like we had presumed it to be we, overthinkers, get satisfied with the results and completely forget the fact that ’til yesterday night I was overthinking this. We overlook this ill habit.

Every time we just overthink and when the results are out, we forget to solve the root problem.

As much as overthinking harms the person himself, the people around are similarly affected due to the ill effects of overthinking. The people around them sense the tension and stress and this leads to them stressing about the same situation. It’s that contagious.

This habit crawls over so bad that it can force you into believing that even the calmest of days are signaling a storm coming by. Instead of living in the moment I’d tend to stress about the unknown.

I knew when ’21 ended that this habit needs working. I cannot say I’m completely over it but yes, I have travelled a long way with it. I still doubt good things and presume until there’s nothing left to but I do not care before hitting Publish every time I snap at my nemesis.

Searching for answers high and low
I kinda can’t stand the usual, oh-oh
I’m certain there’s something more that I don’t know
And I don’t know
But this isn’t what I want
Questioning things I can’t control
Finding my youth’s been getting old
Losing myself when nothing’s wrong
But who knows if…
~i think too much
Christian French

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